Tired

test: RMTTQQ4FZJCN

OK, no metaphors today. I'm just IRRITATED. I've been feeling pretty good (I managed not to slip into that funk after all) and trying to get some order back in my life, Sisyphean task though it is, but the fatigue and sleepiness, ugh! I have had sleep issues for years, I have little white sleep "aids" that I use which help, but feeling rested and energetic is so rare, even when I feel good mentally. I had some physical health issues last year and the treatment left me tired. Between any residual fatigue from that and a healthy regimen of medication, along with the fact that, based on a recent sleep study, I get zero stage 3 sleep, I struggle with tiredness a lot. And that's before you even put depression into the equation.

So today I was set, I headed to the doctor for a (mildly painful) shot, then was going to head off to a coffee shop to create a plan for job hunting. But I just had to come home and crash. I was out for over two hours, till a neighbor called to invite me for afternoon coffee. So crap, day wasted. I was too tired to do much of anything else today.

I did talk myself into getting on my exercise bike for 20 paltry, limp minutes, because I know I've slacked a ton on my exercise regimen. Earlier this year when my sole main focus was exercise and weight loss, I believe it really did help my fatigue level. (And by focus, I do not mean I was an exercise addict--I've never come anywhere near thinking about considering being close to that line--it was just the one thing I HAD to do every day--everything else could wait.)

So I'm frustrated that I am too tired or sleepy much of the time even when I'm feeling well to get anything done. And I'm also frustrated that it seems I can only focus on one project at a time, to the exclusion of most everything else, and it seems that this one thing is always something that others do in their spare time. It's as if the maintenance tasks that a "normal" person would tend to in a corner of their mind, for a small portion of their time, using only a pinch of their energies, for me takes the whole of my mental focus, virtually all my productive time, and almost the whole of my energies.