I gave up on life several years ago. I descended into a Waiting On Death.
Most of my life over the past six years or so has been waiting on death. It is a warm place where it is easy to float on your back and numb your mind. It feels less like hell then keeping the mind turned on. Though there is a nagging. An irritating nagging. Tap, tap. “This analgesic is only superficial. The infection is real and great.” Too great for healing is my great fear. That is my motivation for so much mental Lidocaine.
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