Depression Scene

I took a hiatus for a little while there. Not a good thing to do in the blogging world. But I get absorbed with something for a bit, then quit, then eventually come back around. Not sure how much of that is mood disorder related and how much is my ENFP personality.

Yesterday I tried describing my depression to my husband. I always seem to resort to pictures and analogy when describing depression. I described how failure was the overriding sense of my despair this week. It is filter through which I view and experience everything.

Failure. It colors absolutely everything, the way a gel filter on a stage light saturates the scene with its color. My life is that scene, my brain is the furniture, my memory the floor. My hope is darkened, dissolved into despair.

I sit on this stage the only actor, bathed in brazen red light. The house is dark, no partakers of this story, no one to be moved but me. But I am not moved. Exhausted by the red heat, I slump in this chair, wondering when the light will go out. 

The analogy is dramatic. So in this moment is the reading of it, but that is only because now I am not under that lamp. For today at least, house lights are up, there are a few others in the scene, and I am working on my blocking.